We’re living in a world that has become all about cutting corners. The internet has made anything easily accessible with a quick fluttering of fingers; convenience has become king. But somewhere folks should not be cutting corners is on the dance floor, namely grinding. Maybe it’s this modern mentality of convenience that has caused some to abandon the notion of actual dance and instead resort to slack jawed body-rubbing; something vaguely resembling a cave man mating ritual.

There was a time when dance was actually visually appealing to watch, and took a fair amount of skill and precision. Such moves as the Charleston, Two Step, Three Step, Pop-drop, Slop-Hop, the Sloth-Dog, and the Mister Magoo Goes to the Zoo; the list goes on and on. So why in the world, when you have such a useful resource as a smart phone in your grubby little hands to learn all these lovely moves, would you resort to grinding. Especially during high school, when the majority of dances you would be attending are being supervised by your teachers. Junior Melissa Gentile says “It’s so strange to do it in front of teachers, they would probably think of you differently”. This is certainly a possible risk, as grinding seems to cause a teenager to regress to a primate-like state. So let’s keep it classy kids and learn some cool moves.

And what about the pop stars? Will.I.AM? Madonna? Backstreet Boys? They definitely weren’t grinding and people think they’re neat as heck. Michael Jackson didn’t grind and the ladies were all about him (if you know what I mean boys), his dance to Thriller became an icon for a generation, and he had great jackets. Junior Bobby Whitehouse says “If Satan were to dance, he would grind”. And Satan doesn’t seem like he would be the life of the party, know who would be; Michael Jackson, a fantastic dancer with great charisma, who never incorporated the grind into his repertoire.

So I guess what I’m trying to say here kids, is that humanity is teetering on the see-saw of civility. On one side is the safety and refuge of tasteful dancing, on the other side is the modern travesty known as grinding. Only you have the power to push that seesaw of humanity in the right direction. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.