At SHS we are frequently asked who the real Scituation is. Is it the Garden State’s own Mike, or is it a Scituate native with a love for Jersey? Well it’s actually a combination of both. Scituate’s own Mike Scituation gladly offered to give advice to your everyday questions, so it’s relatable to all loving fans of the hit MTV reality show here at Scituate High School. Mike answers all questions about your everyday high school needs, so you can succeed!
Dear Mike,
Prom is coming up in like five months, and I really want to ask this girl, but I’m not sure how to, can you give me some advice on how to win over my dream girl?
-Eddie T.
Eddie,
There are a few checkpoints you need to look for before you ask this girl out. Make sure she G, T or L’s at least twice a week. If not, she isn’t your girl. Before you ask her, take her out for a nice dinner. Order lasagna, and if she doesn’t eat it, then she’s not for you. Spend a minimum of four hours gelling your hair to perfection (a high-powered blow dryer is required) and do not forget to choose your blingyest Ed Hardy T-shirt for the occasion. There ain’t no way a girls gonna say no to that. Also, make sure you go through at least two bottles of AXE body spray, so you stay fresh through the whole night. Buy some whitening strips for your teeth, and keep them in for six weeks before the date, so you charm her over with your smile. Only drink water because anything else will stain your teeth. After you finish nine hours of P90X, you are ready for your date (Note: it is extremely difficult to look as good as me). Remember she only cares about how you look, and not the kind of Guido you really are. I know this helped.
-The Scituation
Dear Mr. Scituation,
So, there’s this boy who keeps on asking me if I go tanning, to the gym, and if I do my own laundry. Anyways he really creeps me out and I’m super afraid he is going to ask me to prom. How do I get rid of this creepy stalker?
-Chelsea D.
Chelsea,
This guy must be pretty creepy. Luckily, since I am the epitome of love and stalkers, I have some great tips for you. First off, avoid making eye contact with him for the next four months, because I have a feeling this guy is going to ask you out to dinner REALLY soon. If that doesn’t work, only speak Portuguese so he will be obligated to avoid you and never talk to you again. If that doesn’t work, and no other boys will ask you to prom because of the language barrier, you can always ask me. I’m perfect, stylish, and better than any other boy at your school. Just make sure there isn’t an age requirement because I’m probably two times your age. The best part is, I will wear my finest (Ed Hardy) tux. We will have a great time. I’ll show up a few hours late, not dance with you the entire night, probably practice my fist pumping, and never talk to you after prom is over. See you in April!
-The Scituation